today is my birthday...my first birthday alone...i went out last night with friends...friends that you never met :( wish you would have....they took good care of me...i followed your motto "live in the now" and stepped out of my comfort zone, but have no regrets {another one of your motto's}...had a great time...until i got home... its the first time ive slept in an actual bed since you left, first time ive drank without you there to listen to me ramble...

i figured this bday would be better than last year...i was WRONG...i miss you so much, i dont like celebrating without you, i feel guilty when im having a good time...i know you want me to be happy and have a good time...it would be easier if you were here...

i hate that we missed out on so much, that we will never be able to follow thru on our plans, we will never have any more "firsts" with each other... we were cheated, and so much was taken away from us....i would do anything to have you back, back here with me...to live our lives together, the way we planned....