week 21

How far along? 21 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 12 lbs as of my appointment Tuesday, and i was wearing boots, so im saying more like 10-11
Maternity clothes? couple shirts, but still in my pants. {and can do them up!}
Stretch marks? No, doing everything to prevent them.
Sleep: pregnancy pillow-BEST invention ever!! havent been sleepin the best lately...it SUCKS!!
Best moment this week: Jake feeling the blueberry moving around {first time sunday {21} night} she has been moving around so much lately! i love it1
Have you told family and friends: yup!
Miss Anything? how i used to always be cold...now im always roasting..it sucks.
Movement: lots blueberry is all over the place! she really enjoyed the halloween concert we went to!
Food cravings: pancake from Mollies, with red syrup lol
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope it was a good week!
Have you started to show yet: yes, some days i just feel chunky and not prego tho...girls at work informed me this week that the most pregnant thing about me is my boobs lol im told that im tiny for being as far along as i am...
Gender prediction: 
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Ive been super annoyed the past few days, and have no clue why....
Looking forward to: looking more prego, and actually starting to exercise and be healthier

We had our first "Group" experience this week...going to a birth center instead of a hospital they have group we go to instead of just scheduling a regular appointment {our appointment is during group} but we go with 4 other moms/couples...all at least 4 weeks behind us. I thought I'd really enjoy group...but idk yet, i figured the people at group would be a lot like us..they AREN'T!!! and i feel like we spent way more time than necessary talking about gestational Diabetes {which i get tested for next month} oh well, we are going to keep going, learning new things {hopefully} and hoping to start liking the people were in group with :)  were hoping to start a birthing class soon too...ugh! trying to find time for everything is so hard! between work, school, and wanting to spend time relaxing now we have to fit in birthing classes... hopefully we find one that works out great for our schedules, i feel we would really benefit from one! {were wanting to do the hypno birthing class}

Work has been going really well, lately ive been getting 40 hours, which is great...except i am exhausted by the end of the week! {i was hired for 20 hours}

21 weeks and 5 days

{i know im late doing this post}

20 weeks

How far along? 20 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: unsure...more than i want to know im sure.
Maternity clothes? still in my regular pants, did buy a couple maternity shirts from ross tho, they were too cute to pass up ;)
Stretch marks? No, doing everything to prevent them.
Sleep: pregnancy pillow-BEST invention ever!!
Best moment this week: finding out the gender of our blueberry
Have you told family and friends: yup!
Miss Anything? my will power of being healthy, i am trying to be better, but have yet to be as good as i once was...
Movement: lots blueberry is all over the place!
Food cravings: dont really have any this week.
Anything making you queasy or sick:just my gallbladder
Have you started to show yet: yes, some days i feel much more pregnant that others!
Gender prediction: 
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed.
Looking forward to: looking more prego, and actually starting to exercise and be healthier

Well we had our ultrasound on the 16! I started the pregnancy out thinking boy, Jake thought girl. then we both kind of stopped thinking anything and figured it is what it is and we will have to wait! the night before the ultrasound i had a dream {FINALLY mothers intuition kicking in...only took 20 weeks!} that the ultrasound person told us it was a girl....well needless to say {cause im sure most of you saw on FB} but we have a healthy perfect in every way baby GIRL!!! were both super excited! and have already bought some pink things {shoes, i love little shoes and knew that would be the first thing i bought!} Now we have to come up with some names we both like...n that is seeming to be quite difficult...luckily we have some time to decide...

How far along? 19 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: idk, ill find out tuesday 
Maternity clothes? nope, but i did just order a belly band to make my work pants last a little longer, im down to only being able to do up 1 clip {theres 3}
Stretch marks? No...doing everything i can to prevent them!
Sleep: dont feel like i get enough sleep, last week was rough with 4 tens in a row, but this week will be better :)
Best moment this week: feeling blueberry move as much as i do.
Have you told family and friends: yup
Miss Anything? not this week...
Movement: yup
Food cravings:  this week i was really wanting little ceasers pizza...and anything pumpkin.
Anything making you queasy or sick: not that i can think of.
Have you started to show yet: a little not much
Gender prediction: were thinking boy. but have been told its a girl by quite a few people. find out on Tuesday the 16th.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed.
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender looking more pregnant, and buying things!

this week went by pretty quick...it was a super busy one with work and friends visiting from washington. Super excited for tuesday to come around so we can find out the gender, and start buying things! We have bought diapers and a pack n play {had a coupon, couldnt let it go to waste!}i joined Amazon mom and it is absolutely AMAZING! i recommend it to everyone! {n your first 3 months are free!}

ive been playing with the idea of writing a post about being a widow and dating...its not an easy task, for me or Jacob...theres so many thoughts on both sides about, well..everything and then some...things you would never imagine...ive had a post written...deleted...written..and well deleted again, none ever felt right, i didnt feel i was covering everything that needed to be covered. so i have done some blog stalking, and think i will be able finally get it written...

its obvious we have been dating a while now, along with starting our little family...but i dont feel ive gone into much detail with us, i know i dont need to, but the blog has always been so personal and lately not so much, so i may be heading back to the personal writing way too much that people may not care about blog...

Jake is amazing, to say the least...he knew how messed up my life was before starting to even talk to me, and then learned even more after we started talking when he became the person i vented to...and you all know i vented..a lot...about everything, and then some...i figured after my first novel long text venting session that would be the end of our talking..glad it wasnt!  He treats me so amazingly, he gets me out of my comfort zone {camping, summer road trip} he is kind, thinks of others, has a great sense of humor {altho he isnt as hilarious as i am...but really no one is!} his life has made him perfect for me, perfect for the time he came into my life...i know many of you think im crazy, and horrible for dating as early as i did...but it was the right timing for me...and thats what really matters.

now i truly believe that the timing was perfect for Jacob to come into my life, but it wasnt an easy transition...for either of us...so many thoughts go through your mind when your dating...now imagine what goes through your mind when you are dating a widow...dating someone who didnt want her relationship to end, someone who has said numerous times that her life was perfect, she had met her soulmate, that her husband was the most amazing person. ever. someone who constantly says she loves her husband and always will {someone who still calls him her husband, not late husband} Imagine trying to deal with the feelings of jealousy, the worry of not living up to the ghost of a husband, worry of being compared, the worry that your girlfriend will never love you as much as she loves her {late} husband, and not to mention trying to work your way into the new family who lost their son/brother in law..{now Jacob, has never come out and said these things to me...they are things i figure he is working thru/thinking about...frankly because i am..}

now its difficult for both sides, trying to decide if there is a good time to start dating, or to even consider dating is traumatizing after losing your loved one...i never expected to meet anyone again, especially not as soon as i met Jacob, i figured if i ever decided to date again it would be at least 5 years later..idk why i was set on 5, but 5 sounded like a good number, at the time...i remember always questioning myself if you can have more than one soul mate, i was lucky enough to find my soul mate at a young age...but finding him early he was taken early as well, and i knew i could never settle, i deserve the best. i had found true love and had tasted it, i love it,  it was/is amazing...theres no way i could settle for anything less that true love/a soul mate... there was a lot of anger in the beginning {and somedays during the pregnancy my mind gets away from me} overthinking about how could i be happy again, how could i move on {not that im over Jason, i will NEVER be over Jason} how could i keep living after Jason died...how could i tell another man i love him, without feeling some sort of guilt,  and now that i am pregnant, how could i have another mans baby, when i couldnt have Jason's. and sadly with all the negative that people have had to say to me, another big one was how am i going to tell people that im dating, i have a boyfriend, im in love, running away for the summer with him, moving in with him. and now starting a family with him...i know i shouldnt care what people have to say about me and my life choices, but the negative sticks, and makes you over think things...

right now i am amazing, i am happy, im in a place i never expected to be ever again...i am still surprised with how fast things moved between Jacob and i but i know it was perfect timing...perfect for me, perfect for us.

i honestly dont know if i have fully covered everything i have wanted to cover...i have yet to be satisfied with this post, but its a start, it gets some of the thoughts out there for those of you who have no clue...how traumatizing, hard, and scary the process of dating after becoming a widow is..along with how needed it was for me.

big news...

yes we have HUGE news. {those of you on FB already know} it took me a while to finally decide i was brave enough to announce it on fb, and the blog...ive had this post written for a couple weeks now, just never published...guess im scared of all the negative that may come...but im over being scared {for the most part} and super excited for all the positive changes happening..so here goes-
we ended our summer adventure with a new adventure already started, we left with 3 heartbeats and returned with 4 {had dawson with us} it was a BIG surprise, but we are super excited for our new adventure and whats to come. 

we are due March 6, 2013 {if our memory serves us correctly} we are going to a birthing center, and avoiding hospitals all together {for obvious reasons} i LOVE my midwife, she is such a hippie its amazing ;) we have a professional ultrasound at 20 weeks to measure and make sure all is great, tell us an "exact" due date, along with the gender :) 

now please, dont get all butt hurt that we didnt call and tell you personally, thats a lot of people to call, and explain things to. 

i got this off a friends blog, and thought it was a fun idea :)

How far along? 16 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 4
Maternity clothes? nope, happy its getting cold, my shorts no longer fit!
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: dont feel i get enough, hard to get comfortable :( but i got steppys prego pillow and its AMAZING
Best moment this week: feeling blueberry move {i think}
Have you told family and friends: Yes! family is told, and most friends...the rest soon.
Miss Anything? my will power with dieting and exercising.
Movement: I swear I felt something this week!! Definitely not gas... potentially my imagination.
Food cravings:hot and spicy chicken sandwiches from mcdonalds
Anything making you queasy or sick: too much sugar gets to me
Have you started to show yet: looking chubby for sure
Gender prediction: were thinking boy. but have been told its a girl by quite a few people.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed.
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender & starting to look more pregnant n not just chubby.


How far along? 17 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 7.5
Maternity clothes? nope, still in my regular jeans n shirts
Stretch marks? No, and doing everything i can think of to prevent them
Sleep: im all about naps still, but its hard with the new job...im definitely finding out how to get comfortable quicker than before! {thanks to the AWESOME pillow}
Best moment this week: feeling blueberry move all over
Have you told family and friends: Yes! family is told, and most friends...the rest now...
Miss Anything? my will power with being healthier, luckily Jake is almost nazi like when it comes to fast food ;)
Movement: yup!
Food cravings:protein shakes, I finally ordered it yesterday, so hopefully i get it soon!
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: starting to look a lil more prego than chubby.
Gender prediction: were thinking boy. but have been told its a girl by quite a few people.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed.
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender & starting to look more pregnant n not just chubby.


How far along? 18 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 9 {i blame it on different clothing! and weighing at different times}
Maternity clothes? nope, starting to consider a belly band tho for a pair of work pants
Stretch marks? No!
Sleep: i LOVE sleep! ;)
Best moment this week: hearing the heartbeat, and scheduling our ultrasound for the 16! {now cross your fingers jake can get out of school to be there}
Have you told family and friends: Yes
Miss Anything?vodka...and redbull {i know ridiculous, but alcohol has sounded good this week, and did you know they make whipped cream with alcohol in it??!! how did i NOT know this!}
Movement:yes and i LOVE it, dont feel it as much now as in the beginning, since im in dress pants more than jeans..
Food cravings:pumpkin anything...
Anything making you queasy or sick: my gallbladder :( 
Have you started to show yet: i think so, my midwife says my uterus is higher than she would have thought, so maybe thats why im not showing as much as some do at this time {i really have no idea what my uterus being high means}
Gender prediction: were thinking boy. but have been told its a girl by quite a few people.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender of our blueberry!

{we refer to the baby as blueberry, since it was the size of a blueberry when we confirmed the pregnancy}