im in more physical and emotional pain than i ever knew was possible. im lost, and so angry. i hate that everyone else's lives can go on....and im here, stuck here...alone without my hubby, soul mate, best friend, lover, superman...

im so sick of being asked, well now what are you going to do?... do you really think i have any idea?! my world has completely turned upside down, and i feel as if im being shook for everything i have! i now have to relearn how to live on my own... jason n i used to always joke on how he took my independence away....and it was true...im lost without him, i need him...i depend on him so much...

im 21 and a widow...i dont know what im doing in an hour, let alone what my life plan is now...im jsut trying to get thru the day, trying to control my crying so i can have a conversation, and try figure stuff out...

its still hard to believe jason isnt coming back...im so lost on how my life is going to be now...we had our lives all planned out, children, careers, vacations, all of our life.... and now im alone, lost, confused, angry, sad...