every one keeps telling me im the strongest person they know, and that i will get thru this... what they dont know is that im not the strong one. jason is the strong one. he was the one that would hold me while i cried myself to sleep almost every night, he was the one that would promise me everything was going to be okay, and that i wasnt getting off that easily...he was the one that was sick but continued to comfort me, and be my superman.

i feel so lost and weak without him....i now have no one to hold me while i cry myself to sleep at night, he isnt here to tell me everything is going to be okay, that we will be together forever...

he isnt here to do things with. he isnt here to make sure i eat, drink, sleep... he isnt here to do things, like reach the top shelf, take the car to get its oil changed, make me laugh, make me happy. i will never hear one of his dumb jokes again, or how to buy pot n alaska...we wont get to renew our vows in a new location every 5 years like we planned. he will never take me on another motorcycle ride {i cant remember the last one we went on} he will never teach me how to ride the motorcycle...no more drives to nowhere, random stupid fights, yelling matches, no more date nights on tuesday, no more bickering on where we're going to eat {we could never decide}

he is no longer here for me to stand behind when i see people i dont like at wal mart, he is no longer here to go to wal mart or anywhere else with me {i HATE going alone} {i hate being alone}

so i am not the strong one. i am the weak one, the weak one that got left behind to fend for herself...and hates everyday that she is here alone, without jason.