i miss jason.

my world is a mess right now.

i still have my death wish.

i miss his voice.

his hugs.

kisses.

laugh.

smile.

everything about him. i miss.

nights are harder than days.

i miss my husband.

i miss OUR life.

i dont know where to begin on starting over.

i dont want to start over.

i try not to think i 'need him back'.

i know he cant come back.

but i really want/need him back.

want to be with him.

i dont think it will ever get easier.

i dont think i will ever learn to 'live with it'.

i dont understand why it had to be him.

why we had to be the strong ones.

why i have to be alone now.

why did he have to go.

i question ALL of my decisions.

i cant make decisions.

i cant sleep.

theres so many things we wanted to do.

we had so many plans.

im scared.

of what life may bring.

to be alone.

choices i have to make.

to live life without jason.

i dont know how im expected to get back into life.

how im expected to go back to work.

school.

friends.

life.

my life ended when jason's did.

but im stuck here.

without him.

completely lost.

and hating it.

i do not want to be here.

not alone.

not without jason.