i was hoping today just wouldnt come. im probably the ONLY person that was hoping the end of the world really was the 21. {altho i feel my world ended april 6} but today came, and i have to face it. i was hoping i could just go throughout the day and not realize what the day was {since the day came} but i couldnt.
today, baby Schenk was due. we were so excited, jason was so excited, he told everyone {even after agreeing to wait until after the first dr appointment{okay i told a few too!}} which made it even harder after finding out we had lost it. i really thought i was going to be able to just put it in the back of my head and not think about it, at least not today. but the hospital {being as smart as they are} called me about a week ago to register me for my maternity stay. the day we found out we had lost the baby was one of the worst days ever, along with days to follow. They were more bearable with jason there to help/hold me thru them. to make today even worse Jason is gone. not here to hold me thru out the pain/tears. He has been gone 2 months and i cant even imagine how ive made it this long by myself. it feels like time has completely stopped.
Hope I am so sorry :( I can relate to the frustration of losing a baby. I myself have had 3 or 4 miscarriages ( Some were very early to know for sure if thats what they were). No one knows how hard it it is to go through the loss of a baby unless they have personally gone through it. I was due 2 weeks after my sister-in-law gave birth. I still have yet to hold her baby, I guess I just need more time. Once again, I am so sorry. My prayers are still w/ you, especially during this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteIt would just be to easy if the world were simply to end, huh? Darn it. I relate a little bit. I was pregnant and I miscarried two weeks before Brad died. (It was all very early) I was so upset by that and still am sometimes. But now, I feel like it was one of God's mercies. I can not imagine doing everything I'm doing and dealing with an infant. I'm not saying the same thinking would apply to your situation, but after Brad died, I realized that so many things made sense. Why things didn't happen like we wanted, or why things happened differently. I guess it helps me to get through sometimes.
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