i often{daily} catch myself waiting....waiting for jason to walk thru the door, down the hall, pull up in the car..waiting for him to come back to me.

i hate myself for this, i hate that i cant wrap my head around reality, around what my life has become.

 i hate that i have to start over, without him, without my best friend, soul mate, my other half, my man flesh.

i hate having to make decisions on my own, not that jason was much better at it, but i need his input on what i am supposed to do now...

i hate facing people, i hate the looks, and reactions i get from people when i enter a room, its as if i am diseased, they all run.

     {i havent decided if i prefer them to think im diseased, or tell/ask me stupid stuff}

i hate nights the most, when its time to tell him about my day, kiss him goodnight, and smuggle up.

i hate that my superman is gone, i hate that THIS is my reality...