i read a few months back on a blog, about how it hits her daily that her husband isnt there, isnt coming back, that he is gone. while reading it i thought for certain i knew exactly what she was talking about, was convinced i was going thru the same thing at that moment. I. WAS. WRONG. i now know what i thought i knew.

i can be having an amazing day, and when thinking about laying in bed telling jason about my day it hits me. like a ton of bricks. he wont be there. he cant be there. he is gone. i am all alone. and i HATE it.

it happens more often than not. everything can be going great, then i remember how screwed up my life is, how alone i am, how jason is gone and cant come back. and i lose it, the rest of the day is pretty well shot, and im once again lost, with no clue on what it is that i am supposed to do now.