well, all the applying is starting to have something to show! i had an interview today for a part time with a credit union in south salt lake, i think it went really well, was told if i dont hear anything within a week to call her and she will see whats up...so hopefully i hear from them...

if not i have back ups! ;)

waiting to hear from the assistant manager at ross, i spoke with the manager and she loves me so i feel that, that may be a shoe in {hopefully}

AND....

i have an interview with bed bath and beyond tomorrow :)

i have decided to avoid even looking for a CNA job...i need a break from healthcare to get my back back to normal for a 23 year old...i am in need for a change, an easy job {with benefits}one that is less emotionally draining...one that doesnt involve people passing on a regular...

so cross your fingers for me! :)

items for sale...

so, were trying to sell some things and i figure i might as well list some on here...just in case anyone that stalks me in interested! ;)

list of items for sale- weight bench $50. T-mobile phones blackberry $80, LG Optimus $150. Black and Decker white Toaster $15. box of miscellaneous kitchen supplies {red pots and pans {clear glass lids}, wok, slicer, thermal coffee mug with lid, apple slicer} $40. 8 ft Love sac $200. Love bird hand book $5. textbooks{used at uvu}-electrical systems {callanan Wusinich} $10. Statistics concepts and controversies {moore, nots} $50. managerial accounting fourteenth edition and financial accounting second edition $60 {for set} can meet at UVU monday thru thursday. alo have a 1994 chevy c/k 1500 truck $3000. all is OBO please only serious offers. {this truck is Jakes. but i am also looking into selling Jason's truck...it just sits and i know he would like someone to be able to enjoy it as much as he did..so if interested message me!}

im baaaaaack.

well its been a while...okay, more like forever...but i have been busy..living ♥
let me try to catch you up...

spent the summer living in a VW van, traveling up the west coast....mexico to canada! it was AMAZING i loved every minute of it! the coast is such a beautiful place. We left may 10, and rolled back into snowville July 27 {if i remember correctly}...just in time to visit Jason on his bday ♥ theres tons of picture documenting the trip...on FB...so if your not my friend add me...ive met many new people over fb because they tell me they read the blog.

after getting back we spent a couple days in snowville with my family then headed to SLC to find a place to live...took us a few days but we found a place moved in...well moved Jakes stuff in, mine was all still in Idaho in the trailer, luckily a friend brought it down to us :) then we were on a search for a vehicle...for me {i sold my car before the trip} I HATE searching for vehicles...they are all over priced and looked great online...then are a completely different vehicle when u show up in person!...but finally after looking high and low and everywhere in between i gave up. Jake found me a vehicle, lower than the price i expected to spend, in better condition/less miles than EVERYTHING we had previously looked at and i love it! {nissan xterra}

Now, well since we moved down here has been the search for jobs. Jake started school the 27th and had an interview at a ski resort...i sit at home :( applying for jobs ALL day...and baking...were going to be fattys before you know it! i swear i have applied for over 15 jobs...and have heard back from none! :( but ill just keep applying...someone has to hire me eventually right?! until then i am selling baked goods out of my apartment {from scratch, bread, cinnamon rolls, cookies, brownies...u name it ill bake it!}

some big changes had been made and more to come, but life is great, i am happier than i ever expected to be again...and cant wait for what life has a ahead...

ill try to be better about updating the blog...

its been a year...a WHOLE year. and somehow i have survived. i honestly dont know how, especially through the first few months...

in the last 12 months i have,

been to the deepest parts of living hell. where all i wanted was out. i had a death wish but couldnt fulfill it. i hated being alone, but hated being around people even more.

stepped out of my comfort zone.

had a slight alcohol problem.


i sold our car. went carless for a while, but really what did i need a car for? i didnt do anything or go anywhere.

i became even closer with the nephews ♥

i became an expert at pretending i was ok, and making people believe that i was. i almost convinced myself.

i bought a car, and sold it...a couple days ago.

got to travel to arizona and spend time with people i love. a couple times.

ive become a happier person...well maybe not happier but i dont complain HALF as much as i used to, after seeing everything that Jason went through without complaining, i feel everything i complain about is a waste...

i still have yet to learn how to deal with people and their stupidity. but walking away seems to work most of the time.

i went back to work...

put my 2 weeks in yesterday.

ive met new amazing people, who support me in any decision, and have become great friends. {even if its just on fb}

ive met someone, and im happy {yes i know u all know.} but i am in a place where i NEVER expected to be again, i honestly thought i would be a crazy cat lady...but with frankies!
                       Jacob n i started talking in July, i know soon...but he became the person i vented to, the                 person i could tell all my worries n thoughts to without worrying about being judged...n it just moved forward from there...

ive lived alone for the past like 5 months? {whenever i finally moved back home} and now im moving out. the house is rented out and i have to be out by the first of may, well more like the last of april.  i have no plans/idea on where im going to live, but i know im going to be ok. im sure ill freak out a little more once im back from my amazing summer roadtrip that i am so excited to start!

ive dealt with more drama in the last year, than most have to in their lifetime. but ive made it thru. i have gained new people in my life and lost quite a few as well...but it is what it is, and i am a stronger person for it. along with a much simpler life.

ive become a much healthier person, {down 30 pounds{sickening i could lose that much}} i feel so much better than i did before, not to mention look a lot better! {except my boobs arent half of what they used to be lol}

im slowly becoming an outdoors person...ive been camping twice now, and loved it.
        i even peed outside this last time!!! {BIG step for me!!}

trying to explain my situation hasnt gotten any easier, people ask if im married i find it easier to just say no {obviously} but i almost feel as if im lying...i know most believe im divorced, so when they ask why i got divorced i have to tell the story...then i get the "look" like omg what did i just get myself into. seriously tho, the look sucks...

but what sucks even more is the judgement eyes, when i tell people i have a boyfriend...yes people i can see you judging me! just people happy that i am happy...please.

im sure there is a lot more that i have done/learned in the past year, n i know this post is all over the place but so are my thoughts on writing it...

i am so grateful to have had Jason in my life, he is the most amazing person i will ever know. we had our fairytale, and he taught me what true love is...a long with many people in our lives. im still told today by people that they dont have what we had and know they never will. i am so grateful to have that, our fairtale, our few years together will forever change me and help me grow into a stronger and better person. i am truly amazed everyday with what i am capable of, where i am at and who i am becoming and i have Jason to thank for that{along with others}, for helping me thru life, i know he will ALWAYS be a part of me, no matter where i end up. i am so blessed to have met Jason, blessed to have been set up and finally agree to that blind date ♥ i still get so mad at the time we were cheated, all the plans we had that will never be fulfilled,  but i know what we had/have is amazing and i will cherish it forever, all the memories good and bad will always be a part of me.

i have grown so much in the past year, i am more independent. care a lot less of what people think of me, and i am working on writing my story, one page/day at a time.

im so excited to be starting fresh, i think it will be great for me, definitely needed. i lived in the house for a year, the year i said that i would because Jason was amazing n had enough saved up for me to live here, now its time for me to take care of myself. to get out of my comfort zone even more, be independent and take the bull by the horns. im super nervous, ive never been one to like change, but i NEED a change, and am ready for it.

its been a while...okay maybe more than a little while...but lets face it...life is getting better for me, i am not feeling as much need to write/blog...things are looking up for me, im not surrounded or filled with as much anger n negativity as i was in the beginning. dont get me wrong i have my days...days where nothing seems to be going right, n all i want to do is lay in bed and forget the world as i know it...but it gets better, it always gets better...


so as of lately.... i decorated for valentines day 

got a niece!

 went ice skating

i went camping! yes me...REAL camping. not my kind of camping. went to the desert, stayed 2 nights...it was freezing! but i loved it, and cant wait to go again!

{goblin valley}

 {i did that. ALL 8 miles {without peeing}}

 {us}

 {had to get brownie points n climb up into the hole}

a dear friend of mine lost her boyfriend...that was a ROUGH week {maybe longer...probably longer} 

bought a van {yes a VW van}

{for an EPIC summer road trip...more details to come}

have gone on a few bike rides...havent learned to drive it..YET...but i am still planning on it!

became FB official...yes i am "officially" in a relationship, i am happy and things are great.

went to the color festival 

                                                     

trying to rent my house out. it sucks being here, its just way too much house for me n frankie...

trying to sell some things, couch, tv, mirror, chair, foosball table, air hockey table, ottoman/storage thing...just to name a few {if interested hit me up!}

someone referred to Jason as my "ex" the other day...i had no clue how to react...but needless to say i was PISSED. Jason will always be my husband, he will always be my first real love....always be my superman.

still working, same place, things are definitely different than before, but they are good...

still vegetarian, still being healthy...well trying havent been doing the best lately but i started strong today!

{almost down all the weight i want to lose, still have about 10 lbs...any tips for those last few?!}

still havent decided what i want to be when i grow up...all i know is i want to be happy. so as of now ill work towards that :)

as it gets closer to the 1 year mark i tend to have more bad days...but they are expected, and i am in a better place to be able to handle them, not just alone, i am surrounded by amazing people who help me thru them...

i was asked to do a post about positive things i/we learned thru our cancer journey...n after writing down only positive, it didnt feel right...so here are...

 things i learned thru our journey of cancer treatment...

most important, your memories are what you will have, no matter what, make the best memories possible. have fun. enjoy everyday, laugh, smile, have fun. and dont get mad at the bad days, they come, too often...but remember its another day you get to spend with your loved one, good or bad make the best of it.

take time for yourself, even if its just a long bath, make sure you have time for you to free your mind from everything and just be able to relax. {takes practice, i never mastered it}

dont feel guilty. its hard, i know. dont feel as if your supposed to just curl up and stop everything, no. you need to enjoy life, all of it, whether its a few short years together or 50, enjoy them all.

Live in the now. i am HUGE on this, i tell everyone to live in the now, it was Jason's motto, it was our motto, and is now my motto. its how we justified our trips {cruise and hawaii} along with taking days off work, and driving to nowhere...its a way of life.

dont let people make you believe that your doing it wrong. they have no clue.

stand up for yourself/selves. demand answers, treatment, remember you have options, from your drs, to treatment, hospitals and everything in between, it is YOUR choice.

if it doesnt feel right...it probably isnt, your gut instinct is amazing. {we never went back to a radiologist after meeting her once, bad vibes}

do your research...but be prepared for AWFUL nights after...

no question is a stupid question, if you think it is google it first.

google is your best friend.

stay positive.

dont be afraid to break down in the middle of wal mart, work, car, lunch...ANYWHERE. cry when you need to cry. your true friends will do everything in their power to comfort you...or just cry with you, wherever you are.

ignore people. i know they are just trying to help, they care BLAH BLAH BLAH. people SUCK, the end. ignore the comments about what they would do, ignore the comparisons they WILL make about you and their long lost dads cousins friends mailmans uncles brothers daughters son twice removed, it doesnt matter. that was them, this is you. you are writing your own story.

talk about EVERYTHING, know what is wanted with treatment, extensive measures, funeral. EVERYTHING, dont avoid it, you will regret it. {write it down, you will forget at least half of it..} do this even if you arent sick, i fully recommend a book/binder with all important papers kept along with all wants, we didnt have one of these...

baking soda will get ANYTHING/EVERYTHING out of carpet, couch cushions, and your mattress. smell n stain gone.

and after writing this, we should all already know this. its nothing special that you only learn thru cancer treatment, im sure its nice to be reminded if going thru treatment now, and even if your not, sometimes we all need to be reminded to take a step back, take a deep breath n remember where u are who you are n what u want. n dont be afraid to give yourself everything you have ever wanted in life.

hello all! its been a while...but im still here!

ive been keeping busy, or at least trying to! a close, amazing friend had her baby, n named her after Jason, i havent been over to see her yet but i will soon! i went to vegas for a friends bday, had a BLAST! it was definitely needed. had christmas in idaho, been spending much more time in logan. started the new year off great! and am convinced it is going to be a better year. {i know i said this last year so lets hope i dont jinx this one!} i know from the sounds of it i havent done much of anything...but i feel great, ive been spending a lot of time with a great person, who makes me happy...{fb stalkers im sure already know all about him lol}

today was my first day back at work...it started out as a FAIL...but got a little better, i was sent home about an hour into my shift, then called back in a couple hours later...im hoping to get more shifts, so keep your fingers crossed for me! i was surprised by how many people asked me how my husband was doing...

new year resolutions/changes, calling it changes might make them stick a little better!
ive gone vegetarian, dont know how long i will be, it could be a permanent thing..
exercise regularly/be more active
be positive!/enjoy everything, {live in the now}
be more spontaneous.

not much, but its good enough for me!