i was asked to do a post about positive things i/we learned thru our cancer journey...n after writing down only positive, it didnt feel right...so here are...

 things i learned thru our journey of cancer treatment...

most important, your memories are what you will have, no matter what, make the best memories possible. have fun. enjoy everyday, laugh, smile, have fun. and dont get mad at the bad days, they come, too often...but remember its another day you get to spend with your loved one, good or bad make the best of it.

take time for yourself, even if its just a long bath, make sure you have time for you to free your mind from everything and just be able to relax. {takes practice, i never mastered it}

dont feel guilty. its hard, i know. dont feel as if your supposed to just curl up and stop everything, no. you need to enjoy life, all of it, whether its a few short years together or 50, enjoy them all.

Live in the now. i am HUGE on this, i tell everyone to live in the now, it was Jason's motto, it was our motto, and is now my motto. its how we justified our trips {cruise and hawaii} along with taking days off work, and driving to nowhere...its a way of life.

dont let people make you believe that your doing it wrong. they have no clue.

stand up for yourself/selves. demand answers, treatment, remember you have options, from your drs, to treatment, hospitals and everything in between, it is YOUR choice.

if it doesnt feel right...it probably isnt, your gut instinct is amazing. {we never went back to a radiologist after meeting her once, bad vibes}

do your research...but be prepared for AWFUL nights after...

no question is a stupid question, if you think it is google it first.

google is your best friend.

stay positive.

dont be afraid to break down in the middle of wal mart, work, car, lunch...ANYWHERE. cry when you need to cry. your true friends will do everything in their power to comfort you...or just cry with you, wherever you are.

ignore people. i know they are just trying to help, they care BLAH BLAH BLAH. people SUCK, the end. ignore the comments about what they would do, ignore the comparisons they WILL make about you and their long lost dads cousins friends mailmans uncles brothers daughters son twice removed, it doesnt matter. that was them, this is you. you are writing your own story.

talk about EVERYTHING, know what is wanted with treatment, extensive measures, funeral. EVERYTHING, dont avoid it, you will regret it. {write it down, you will forget at least half of it..} do this even if you arent sick, i fully recommend a book/binder with all important papers kept along with all wants, we didnt have one of these...

baking soda will get ANYTHING/EVERYTHING out of carpet, couch cushions, and your mattress. smell n stain gone.

and after writing this, we should all already know this. its nothing special that you only learn thru cancer treatment, im sure its nice to be reminded if going thru treatment now, and even if your not, sometimes we all need to be reminded to take a step back, take a deep breath n remember where u are who you are n what u want. n dont be afraid to give yourself everything you have ever wanted in life.

hello all! its been a while...but im still here!

ive been keeping busy, or at least trying to! a close, amazing friend had her baby, n named her after Jason, i havent been over to see her yet but i will soon! i went to vegas for a friends bday, had a BLAST! it was definitely needed. had christmas in idaho, been spending much more time in logan. started the new year off great! and am convinced it is going to be a better year. {i know i said this last year so lets hope i dont jinx this one!} i know from the sounds of it i havent done much of anything...but i feel great, ive been spending a lot of time with a great person, who makes me happy...{fb stalkers im sure already know all about him lol}

today was my first day back at work...it started out as a FAIL...but got a little better, i was sent home about an hour into my shift, then called back in a couple hours later...im hoping to get more shifts, so keep your fingers crossed for me! i was surprised by how many people asked me how my husband was doing...

new year resolutions/changes, calling it changes might make them stick a little better!
ive gone vegetarian, dont know how long i will be, it could be a permanent thing..
exercise regularly/be more active
be positive!/enjoy everything, {live in the now}
be more spontaneous.

not much, but its good enough for me!

Learn

stealing another post from here..but i cant help it, its perfect.

Learn

It starts with words. Then numbers.

Your shoe laces.

Sentences.

Driving.

Kissing.

Love.

Death.

The things we learn in the earliest of ages can sometimes make us nostalgic. To have no worries but to learn what 1 + 2 equals. To clean your room. To use stick shift.

Then life happens and adds dimension and layers you could have never imagined. The warm, tingly feelings in the arms of someone you love. The heartache in battling your insecurities. This urge to surpass your limits to see just how far they'll go.

Learning becomes intense. It becomes unbearable at times. It becomes an addiction that you can't quite ever kick....no matter how much it screws you up at moments...long moments.

You learn that there is someone out there that loves you unconditionally. You learn what it feels like to be unstoppable.

You learn what it is to dream...to plan.

You learn what it feels like to have it all taken away.

You learn about loss in the most tragic of examples. From a teacher you cannot argue with.

You learn what it is like to want to give up.

You learn what it feels like to want to die.

You learn what it feels like for time to pass...slowly...too slow.

Then you learn what it is to survive.

What it is to really wake up.

You learn that you were wrong.

You learn that their love never left you.

You learn that you are strong.

You learn to live....again.

You learn.

And you learn.

And you go from loathing life to embracing it once more.

And you are unstoppable.

And you learn.

im learning, learning to live again, learning more and more about myself each day, learning about new wants and goals... ive come a long way in just the past few months, n i couldn't be more proud of myself or nervous of whats to come. but i am embracing life and living in the now! 

needless to say the headstone DIDNT come in wednesday. but it DID come today! {friday 18}

i was so worried it wouldnt be delivered since it was snowing like crazy out here today. not mention the fact it was supposed to be delivered back in August...and they have rescheduled about ten times.

remember how i switched the stone to get it delivered sooner?...well we ended up with the stone i originally ordered....so who knows if it was just some excuse to take longer to deliver {which i'm sure they regretted when putting the stone in during a blizzard along with about 4 inches on the ground}

i was very upset with the business and how long they took to deliver. but now that it is here...it is perfect.

just getting there...

 digging the grass up, for the cement block to go into

 leveling it out

 lowering the cement block down

 they lowered the base, centered it, then put this putty stuff down and removed the sticks underneath it

 they put the stick on top of the base then lowered the top down onto it, centered it, put the calk around then removed the sticks

 removing the excess calk that was pushed out by the weight of the stone

the finished product...love it.

My sister in law is having a slumber party, at my house, and everyones invited! ;) so email me {schenk_hope@yahoo.com} or message me on fb or txt me, and ill give ya all the details :)

im back out to the parentals, dylans blessing was sunday so i came out for it saturday night, then had a get together tuesday so didnt see the point in driving back to logan just to come back a day later, and now have a baby shower tomorrow so needless to say it just made sense to stay out here...

still no headstone. hoping this week...called today, and they told me its done and should be delivered wednesday...ill believe it when i see it.

i got more stuff put away at the house...working on turning our home into my home...i have moments where im on a roll, and doing great...then find something i havent seen in a while...if ever...quick sobfest then im back to work...

i feel with each step forward its a few back {thanks kay for this, it definitely fits right now}

still trying to decide what to do with my rings, i feel like i have considered EVERYTHING, but cant decide. i moved them to my right hand...but they got moved back, they didnt feel right over there, and my right hand is fatter than my left...im leaning more towards wearing them around my neck, if i can get a chain that has a safety thing on it. ive thought about melting it down but then its too different, and the inscription would be gone and right now thats just way too much change...

i talked to work, n am planning on going back in January...this year is shot...so i will just start the new year off fresh.

changing titles to the truck/motorcycle is going to be the death of me! serious biggest pain. ever. but should be done soon...at least to the truck

i feel like im getting back into life, back into reality...im very happy with what i have accomplished the past couple weeks...and hope its all up hill from here....at least a little calmer than it has been...

im still home. {its a big accomplishment}

 Kay and Lance stopped by yesterday ♥ it was good to see them. Lance is going to blow out my sprinklers. {as far as i know i did everything else right :)} 

ive been cleaning, putting stuff away, trying to decide what to do with stuff...its tough.

today i moved all of jasons clothes, well the ones in the closet. from his closet to the spare rooms closet. i know its not a big move, it would have been easier to just put it all in bags for the DI or whatev, but this was hard enough. im still deciding what to do with them. i think i want them made into a memory quilt. i just have to learn to sew...or find someone to make it for me {im sure i will find someone} im hoping that with them in the spare room {that i never go in to} i will kind of forget they are there, so when the time comes it will be easier to part with them.  also i couldnt handle staring at them any more, and the closet doors have to be open because frankies kennel is in there and he would have a heart attack if he couldnt get to it! so im seeing this as a step forward...i had forgotten how big Jason's feet were, seriously they were huge. {random i know}

but on a good note of cleaning out his closet, i found money! and a notebook named jasons cancer journal... he wrote in it twice...once about radar sending us on our cruise ♥ and the other was this -

I'm so sore tired & weak

staying positive is hard when the future's bleak

somehow I couldn't be more happy with my life

I owe everything to my beautiful wife

sobfest at my house!...


samples of memory quilts here