big news...

yes we have HUGE news. {those of you on FB already know} it took me a while to finally decide i was brave enough to announce it on fb, and the blog...ive had this post written for a couple weeks now, just never published...guess im scared of all the negative that may come...but im over being scared {for the most part} and super excited for all the positive changes happening..so here goes-
we ended our summer adventure with a new adventure already started, we left with 3 heartbeats and returned with 4 {had dawson with us} it was a BIG surprise, but we are super excited for our new adventure and whats to come. 

we are due March 6, 2013 {if our memory serves us correctly} we are going to a birthing center, and avoiding hospitals all together {for obvious reasons} i LOVE my midwife, she is such a hippie its amazing ;) we have a professional ultrasound at 20 weeks to measure and make sure all is great, tell us an "exact" due date, along with the gender :) 

now please, dont get all butt hurt that we didnt call and tell you personally, thats a lot of people to call, and explain things to. 

i got this off a friends blog, and thought it was a fun idea :)

How far along? 16 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 4
Maternity clothes? nope, happy its getting cold, my shorts no longer fit!
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: dont feel i get enough, hard to get comfortable :( but i got steppys prego pillow and its AMAZING
Best moment this week: feeling blueberry move {i think}
Have you told family and friends: Yes! family is told, and most friends...the rest soon.
Miss Anything? my will power with dieting and exercising.
Movement: I swear I felt something this week!! Definitely not gas... potentially my imagination.
Food cravings:hot and spicy chicken sandwiches from mcdonalds
Anything making you queasy or sick: too much sugar gets to me
Have you started to show yet: looking chubby for sure
Gender prediction: were thinking boy. but have been told its a girl by quite a few people.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed.
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender & starting to look more pregnant n not just chubby.


How far along? 17 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 7.5
Maternity clothes? nope, still in my regular jeans n shirts
Stretch marks? No, and doing everything i can think of to prevent them
Sleep: im all about naps still, but its hard with the new job...im definitely finding out how to get comfortable quicker than before! {thanks to the AWESOME pillow}
Best moment this week: feeling blueberry move all over
Have you told family and friends: Yes! family is told, and most friends...the rest now...
Miss Anything? my will power with being healthier, luckily Jake is almost nazi like when it comes to fast food ;)
Movement: yup!
Food cravings:protein shakes, I finally ordered it yesterday, so hopefully i get it soon!
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: starting to look a lil more prego than chubby.
Gender prediction: were thinking boy. but have been told its a girl by quite a few people.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed.
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender & starting to look more pregnant n not just chubby.


How far along? 18 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 9 {i blame it on different clothing! and weighing at different times}
Maternity clothes? nope, starting to consider a belly band tho for a pair of work pants
Stretch marks? No!
Sleep: i LOVE sleep! ;)
Best moment this week: hearing the heartbeat, and scheduling our ultrasound for the 16! {now cross your fingers jake can get out of school to be there}
Have you told family and friends: Yes
Miss Anything?vodka...and redbull {i know ridiculous, but alcohol has sounded good this week, and did you know they make whipped cream with alcohol in it??!! how did i NOT know this!}
Movement:yes and i LOVE it, dont feel it as much now as in the beginning, since im in dress pants more than jeans..
Food cravings:pumpkin anything...
Anything making you queasy or sick: my gallbladder :( 
Have you started to show yet: i think so, my midwife says my uterus is higher than she would have thought, so maybe thats why im not showing as much as some do at this time {i really have no idea what my uterus being high means}
Gender prediction: were thinking boy. but have been told its a girl by quite a few people.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? 
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! but somedays i get super annoyed
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender of our blueberry!

{we refer to the baby as blueberry, since it was the size of a blueberry when we confirmed the pregnancy}

here i thought i was getting better about the blogging...i am trying...just some weeks are boring...n others are full of things im not sure i am ready to blog about...yet...give it time im sure ill get there :)

i got a job!! yay! at America First, i start training monday morning at 8 am {ugh.monday and tuesday are going to be the death of me...much too early n long for this gal!} so excited to be starting there, its only part time but it gets my foot in the door, and some money coming in for my bills.plus i have to go shopping for appropriate clothing! :) {business and i have to cover my tattoo}

dyl pickle {nephew} turned one, so i have been in Idaho all week. and left Jake home alone {he has school} but it was fun to be up there and see everybody. Got to have lunch with some great friends before coming home friday. Sadly i didnt get to see everybody i wanted to see but time just seems to escape.


I am officially selling Jason's truck. it will be a little difficult to part with, but i dont drive it, it jsut sits around, and someone should be enjoying it!

im so excited for the positive changes that are happening and some to come. life is great, Were both very excited for our lives together and whats to come.

well, all the applying is starting to have something to show! i had an interview today for a part time with a credit union in south salt lake, i think it went really well, was told if i dont hear anything within a week to call her and she will see whats up...so hopefully i hear from them...

if not i have back ups! ;)

waiting to hear from the assistant manager at ross, i spoke with the manager and she loves me so i feel that, that may be a shoe in {hopefully}

AND....

i have an interview with bed bath and beyond tomorrow :)

i have decided to avoid even looking for a CNA job...i need a break from healthcare to get my back back to normal for a 23 year old...i am in need for a change, an easy job {with benefits}one that is less emotionally draining...one that doesnt involve people passing on a regular...

so cross your fingers for me! :)

items for sale...

so, were trying to sell some things and i figure i might as well list some on here...just in case anyone that stalks me in interested! ;)

list of items for sale- weight bench $50. T-mobile phones blackberry $80, LG Optimus $150. Black and Decker white Toaster $15. box of miscellaneous kitchen supplies {red pots and pans {clear glass lids}, wok, slicer, thermal coffee mug with lid, apple slicer} $40. 8 ft Love sac $200. Love bird hand book $5. textbooks{used at uvu}-electrical systems {callanan Wusinich} $10. Statistics concepts and controversies {moore, nots} $50. managerial accounting fourteenth edition and financial accounting second edition $60 {for set} can meet at UVU monday thru thursday. alo have a 1994 chevy c/k 1500 truck $3000. all is OBO please only serious offers. {this truck is Jakes. but i am also looking into selling Jason's truck...it just sits and i know he would like someone to be able to enjoy it as much as he did..so if interested message me!}

im baaaaaack.

well its been a while...okay, more like forever...but i have been busy..living ♥
let me try to catch you up...

spent the summer living in a VW van, traveling up the west coast....mexico to canada! it was AMAZING i loved every minute of it! the coast is such a beautiful place. We left may 10, and rolled back into snowville July 27 {if i remember correctly}...just in time to visit Jason on his bday ♥ theres tons of picture documenting the trip...on FB...so if your not my friend add me...ive met many new people over fb because they tell me they read the blog.

after getting back we spent a couple days in snowville with my family then headed to SLC to find a place to live...took us a few days but we found a place moved in...well moved Jakes stuff in, mine was all still in Idaho in the trailer, luckily a friend brought it down to us :) then we were on a search for a vehicle...for me {i sold my car before the trip} I HATE searching for vehicles...they are all over priced and looked great online...then are a completely different vehicle when u show up in person!...but finally after looking high and low and everywhere in between i gave up. Jake found me a vehicle, lower than the price i expected to spend, in better condition/less miles than EVERYTHING we had previously looked at and i love it! {nissan xterra}

Now, well since we moved down here has been the search for jobs. Jake started school the 27th and had an interview at a ski resort...i sit at home :( applying for jobs ALL day...and baking...were going to be fattys before you know it! i swear i have applied for over 15 jobs...and have heard back from none! :( but ill just keep applying...someone has to hire me eventually right?! until then i am selling baked goods out of my apartment {from scratch, bread, cinnamon rolls, cookies, brownies...u name it ill bake it!}

some big changes had been made and more to come, but life is great, i am happier than i ever expected to be again...and cant wait for what life has a ahead...

ill try to be better about updating the blog...

its been a year...a WHOLE year. and somehow i have survived. i honestly dont know how, especially through the first few months...

in the last 12 months i have,

been to the deepest parts of living hell. where all i wanted was out. i had a death wish but couldnt fulfill it. i hated being alone, but hated being around people even more.

stepped out of my comfort zone.

had a slight alcohol problem.


i sold our car. went carless for a while, but really what did i need a car for? i didnt do anything or go anywhere.

i became even closer with the nephews ♥

i became an expert at pretending i was ok, and making people believe that i was. i almost convinced myself.

i bought a car, and sold it...a couple days ago.

got to travel to arizona and spend time with people i love. a couple times.

ive become a happier person...well maybe not happier but i dont complain HALF as much as i used to, after seeing everything that Jason went through without complaining, i feel everything i complain about is a waste...

i still have yet to learn how to deal with people and their stupidity. but walking away seems to work most of the time.

i went back to work...

put my 2 weeks in yesterday.

ive met new amazing people, who support me in any decision, and have become great friends. {even if its just on fb}

ive met someone, and im happy {yes i know u all know.} but i am in a place where i NEVER expected to be again, i honestly thought i would be a crazy cat lady...but with frankies!
                       Jacob n i started talking in July, i know soon...but he became the person i vented to, the                 person i could tell all my worries n thoughts to without worrying about being judged...n it just moved forward from there...

ive lived alone for the past like 5 months? {whenever i finally moved back home} and now im moving out. the house is rented out and i have to be out by the first of may, well more like the last of april.  i have no plans/idea on where im going to live, but i know im going to be ok. im sure ill freak out a little more once im back from my amazing summer roadtrip that i am so excited to start!

ive dealt with more drama in the last year, than most have to in their lifetime. but ive made it thru. i have gained new people in my life and lost quite a few as well...but it is what it is, and i am a stronger person for it. along with a much simpler life.

ive become a much healthier person, {down 30 pounds{sickening i could lose that much}} i feel so much better than i did before, not to mention look a lot better! {except my boobs arent half of what they used to be lol}

im slowly becoming an outdoors person...ive been camping twice now, and loved it.
        i even peed outside this last time!!! {BIG step for me!!}

trying to explain my situation hasnt gotten any easier, people ask if im married i find it easier to just say no {obviously} but i almost feel as if im lying...i know most believe im divorced, so when they ask why i got divorced i have to tell the story...then i get the "look" like omg what did i just get myself into. seriously tho, the look sucks...

but what sucks even more is the judgement eyes, when i tell people i have a boyfriend...yes people i can see you judging me! just people happy that i am happy...please.

im sure there is a lot more that i have done/learned in the past year, n i know this post is all over the place but so are my thoughts on writing it...

i am so grateful to have had Jason in my life, he is the most amazing person i will ever know. we had our fairytale, and he taught me what true love is...a long with many people in our lives. im still told today by people that they dont have what we had and know they never will. i am so grateful to have that, our fairtale, our few years together will forever change me and help me grow into a stronger and better person. i am truly amazed everyday with what i am capable of, where i am at and who i am becoming and i have Jason to thank for that{along with others}, for helping me thru life, i know he will ALWAYS be a part of me, no matter where i end up. i am so blessed to have met Jason, blessed to have been set up and finally agree to that blind date ♥ i still get so mad at the time we were cheated, all the plans we had that will never be fulfilled,  but i know what we had/have is amazing and i will cherish it forever, all the memories good and bad will always be a part of me.

i have grown so much in the past year, i am more independent. care a lot less of what people think of me, and i am working on writing my story, one page/day at a time.

im so excited to be starting fresh, i think it will be great for me, definitely needed. i lived in the house for a year, the year i said that i would because Jason was amazing n had enough saved up for me to live here, now its time for me to take care of myself. to get out of my comfort zone even more, be independent and take the bull by the horns. im super nervous, ive never been one to like change, but i NEED a change, and am ready for it.

its been a while...okay maybe more than a little while...but lets face it...life is getting better for me, i am not feeling as much need to write/blog...things are looking up for me, im not surrounded or filled with as much anger n negativity as i was in the beginning. dont get me wrong i have my days...days where nothing seems to be going right, n all i want to do is lay in bed and forget the world as i know it...but it gets better, it always gets better...


so as of lately.... i decorated for valentines day 

got a niece!

 went ice skating

i went camping! yes me...REAL camping. not my kind of camping. went to the desert, stayed 2 nights...it was freezing! but i loved it, and cant wait to go again!

{goblin valley}

 {i did that. ALL 8 miles {without peeing}}

 {us}

 {had to get brownie points n climb up into the hole}

a dear friend of mine lost her boyfriend...that was a ROUGH week {maybe longer...probably longer} 

bought a van {yes a VW van}

{for an EPIC summer road trip...more details to come}

have gone on a few bike rides...havent learned to drive it..YET...but i am still planning on it!

became FB official...yes i am "officially" in a relationship, i am happy and things are great.

went to the color festival 

                                                     

trying to rent my house out. it sucks being here, its just way too much house for me n frankie...

trying to sell some things, couch, tv, mirror, chair, foosball table, air hockey table, ottoman/storage thing...just to name a few {if interested hit me up!}

someone referred to Jason as my "ex" the other day...i had no clue how to react...but needless to say i was PISSED. Jason will always be my husband, he will always be my first real love....always be my superman.

still working, same place, things are definitely different than before, but they are good...

still vegetarian, still being healthy...well trying havent been doing the best lately but i started strong today!

{almost down all the weight i want to lose, still have about 10 lbs...any tips for those last few?!}

still havent decided what i want to be when i grow up...all i know is i want to be happy. so as of now ill work towards that :)

as it gets closer to the 1 year mark i tend to have more bad days...but they are expected, and i am in a better place to be able to handle them, not just alone, i am surrounded by amazing people who help me thru them...